So, every January the gym I go to gets so busy that often I find myself walking from the far end of the parking lot instead of nearer the front door. That is until about half way or towards the end of January and then the people who are trying to create a new habit stop showing up as much as they had hoped to.
These are the days of the ‘New Year’s Resolutions’. People (including myself) head into them with deep convictions that they will lose weight, get fit, be on time more, stop smoking etc. etc. And when they veer off track, the self-criticism can be so high that there is no incentive to try anymore. It’s like choosing to go back to public school and the teachers are still allowed to use the whip if you make a mistake!
An alternative to a New Year’s Resolution is to be ‘mindful’ of that area of your life that is difficult for you to control. The difference is in your attitude. If your intention is to eat less and you find yourself gorging on junk food and cake, then switch your thinking from “What an idiot I am”, “I have no self-control” to “Hmmmm….that’s interesting, I wonder what triggered me to do that?” “I wonder what would calm me so that I don’t keep choosing that?”. None of us changes as a result of fear or intimidation. This point is true internally as well as when we are relating to others.
If there are changes that you want to make in the New Year, choose instead to be mindful of your behaviours and learn what triggers you and what you might need to prevent you from gravitating towards the unhelpful behaviour. I believe that if you show up in life you should get an ‘A’. We all make mistakes and in learning new skills and habits, you won’t do it perfectly. Mindfulness, in its most simplistic form, is to show up, notice, choose and repeat. If you didn’t make the choice that you wanted to make, then something probably triggered you to not show up and consciously choose. Forgive yourself. Learn from it, put in new strategies and try again. Don’t quit because you are tired of disappointing yourself because that’s the part that you have the ability to control and change! You deserve an attitude of kindness towards yourself and it seems that when we are at the beginning of developing a new skill, we are always hardest on ourselves. Remember: One day at a time….and you always get an “A”.
-By – Lee Horton-Carter, MA, RP
Lee is an individual, couple and family counsellor that has joined the Sage team. To learn more about her, check out her bio here.